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It’s not just Lupus

When it comes to Lupus, it effects everyone differently. No two people experience this illness the same. When I was diagnosed I knew nothing about, never heard of it, and just didn’t know what to think. Weeks after being diagnosed, my doctor gave me more news. Along with Lupus, I have arthritis, osteoporosis, alopecia (sudden loss of hair), panic attacks, eczema, uncontrollable mood swings, and the list goes on.
As you can see I deal with a lot on a daily basis. Over time I’ve learned to manage all these symptoms, but it is still not easy to deal with. Some mornings it can take me about twenty minutes to an hour just to get out the bed. This can be for many reason but it’s usually because my legs are so swollen I have to brace myself to stand on my feet. If I move too fast my legs will let me know. It is very frustrating sometimes not being able to do the simple things, like brush my teeth because my hand hurts to bad to hold the brush. Thankfully, every day isn’t like this. I’ve learned over the years to listen to my body and to not push myself to hard (even though I still find myself being hardheaded and paying for it later). I’m learning more about myself everyday and how to stay healthy physically and mentally. Everyday is a challenge for me but I still do it with a smile on my face, even when I don’t feel like it. That wasn’t always true during this journey, there would be days that I was so tired from the pain that I became depressed. Never showed it to others but once I was alone that all changed. I would sit in my room in the dark, just to avoid being around anyone so they wouldn’t know I wasn’t feeling good that day (in high school and college). I would be so depressed from the pain that I would lay in the bed for days at a time. I wouldn’t eat and would sleep for hours. I suffered from low self-esteem at one point due to the constant shift in weight, along with the scars on my body left from needle injections and rashes. My hair constantly fell out in chunks leaving me with just about nothing. I felt like no one understood what I was going through or even cared to know. Once the depression became too much to the point of me withdrawing from loved ones (and even considering hurting myself), I did the only thing I knew to do. I started praying more. I would literally be laid on my floor (or in the bed if it hurt too much to move) flat on my face, crying out for help. I was tired and ready to be healed. I’m glad to stay that even after all this, I am stronger than ever. 

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